You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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