Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
