This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
