when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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