if only i could text you this smell
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
