Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
