so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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