theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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