Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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