you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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