shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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