i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
