If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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