what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
