so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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