he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
