3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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