STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Come on in and take your pants off
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