So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he fucked my hip out of place.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
