I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
