Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
