Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
