never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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