guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
