so explain again why im purple
no
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Randomize
