i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
