You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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