I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
