it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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