and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
