so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
