I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
