I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
