btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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