when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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