tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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