i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
