You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
