we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
