I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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