giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize