Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize