We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
