I think my fart just growled at me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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