Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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