JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
