Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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