I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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