You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
