spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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