I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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