my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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