At least make sure they are 18
Why
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you will always have a special place in my vag
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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