What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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