my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
