Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
