he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How external is "for external use only"?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
