we're blogging at a bar
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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