well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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