She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
