how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
