No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
