i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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