hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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