I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
