I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
