Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize