We're facebook friends in real life
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
