If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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