So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
