we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
