who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i out mim tonsoeep
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