DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
